Rob is from New York so it seems like he would be pretty good at baseball. He probably grew up playing pickup games in the abandoned lot on the corner using a 2x4 for a baseball bat and rocks for baseballs. “Okay, that shopping cart will be first base, this old copy of the Enquirer will be second, and third is the crackhead over there.” He probably had to play with and against lots of minority (Puerto Rican) kids too so… there’s that. Plus, he always wears a Yankees hat.
Football Obstacle Course Winner: Matzke
This was a tough call, but Matzke’s pretty agile. Granted I haven’t seen the obstacle course, so if it involves penalties for making random pop culture jokes, Matzke is screwed, but otherwise I think he has the combined speed and upper body strength to take this one. He also has great hands.
100 Yard Dash Winner: Ty Foster
I don’t know him, but Ty Foster sounds like a fast (black guy) name.
Basketball Winner: Burns
Burns seems like the kind of dick who has a great 10 foot jump shot. He’s the skinny white guy who idolizes Larry Bird and trash talks about how good his fundamentals are.
Horseshoes Winner: Noam
Of all the events, this one seems the most jewey-ish. It involves no physical effort and is all about haggling ad-nauseum over who got their horseshoe closer to the stake. Mark my words; Noam will bring a tape measure to this event.
Mini Golf Winner: eh… Gary Kroytor (Maybe)
I don’t have a solid guess for this one.
Darts Winner: Farley
Didn’t Farley have a dart board in his old apartment that he shared with Aldy? Seems like they would’ve used it to decide whose turn it was to do the dishes next or something.
Bowling Winner: RJ
No question here. RJ has his own ball and shoes, and will take this way too seriously.
Beer Pong Winner: Matzke
This could really go any way, but I’m calling it. I think Matzke is gonna pull it out. Go tribe! Also, be glad I don’t live in L.A. or else I’d mop the floor with you guys in all the events except the faggy ones like horseshoes and mini golf.
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Ben’s Picks
Homerun Derby Winner: Rob C.
Rob is from New York so it seems like he would be pretty good at baseball. He probably grew up playing pickup games in the abandoned lot on the corner using a 2x4 for a baseball bat and rocks for baseballs. “Okay, that shopping cart will be first base, this old copy of the Enquirer will be second, and third is the crackhead over there.” He probably had to play with and against lots of minority (Puerto Rican) kids too so… there’s that. Plus, he always wears a Yankees hat.
Football Obstacle Course Winner: Matzke
This was a tough call, but Matzke’s pretty agile. Granted I haven’t seen the obstacle course, so if it involves penalties for making random pop culture jokes, Matzke is screwed, but otherwise I think he has the combined speed and upper body strength to take this one. He also has great hands.
100 Yard Dash Winner: Ty Foster
I don’t know him, but Ty Foster sounds like a fast (black guy) name.
Basketball Winner: Burns
Burns seems like the kind of dick who has a great 10 foot jump shot. He’s the skinny white guy who idolizes Larry Bird and trash talks about how good his fundamentals are.
Horseshoes Winner: Noam
Of all the events, this one seems the most jewey-ish. It involves no physical effort and is all about haggling ad-nauseum over who got their horseshoe closer to the stake. Mark my words; Noam will bring a tape measure to this event.
Mini Golf Winner: eh… Gary Kroytor (Maybe)
I don’t have a solid guess for this one.
Darts Winner: Farley
Didn’t Farley have a dart board in his old apartment that he shared with Aldy? Seems like they would’ve used it to decide whose turn it was to do the dishes next or something.
Bowling Winner: RJ
No question here. RJ has his own ball and shoes, and will take this way too seriously.
Beer Pong Winner: Matzke
This could really go any way, but I’m calling it. I think Matzke is gonna pull it out. Go tribe! Also, be glad I don’t live in L.A. or else I’d mop the floor with you guys in all the events except the faggy ones like horseshoes and mini golf.
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